I CAN SMELL THE SPRING

I’ve decided to sit down this morning and force myself to write a blog post, even if it’s just a little one, because I’ve been completely avoiding it the last couple of weeks whilst constantly thinking, ‘I really must write a blog post soon’. So here it is.

I’ve been back in La Creuse for 2 weeks now, and I’m really enjoying it. I caught the ferry from Portsmouth at night time on Saturday the 4th, after driving down to Uncle Bernie’s with my parents who were going down for a visit. We had a nice pub meal there before I got very kindly dropped at the ferry terminal by Uncle Bernie and mum. I slept on the floor of the lounge area on the ferry, which actually wasn’t too bad, and got off in the morning in Ouistreham, the place I left France from in December.

I was hoping to arrive at first light but actually I had to do a bit of dark hitchhiking, which I never like, but it was okay because I knew the day was coming soon. After someone helped me to get past Caen and onto the good road for the direction of Tours, I was super lucky to get one lift who took me all the way to Potiers. From there it was an easy hitch across in the direction of Montlucon. I got really lucky that day with easy and quick lifts, and arrived here by about 3pm.

It was immediately nice to be back. Friends of Sam’s were visiting for the day, and his brother, who I met last time. I felt like I was back in a good place for me. However, for the first few days of being here and settling back in, I had a few wobbles and I didn’t know how I felt. I think that arriving here very quickly, in such contrast to being at home where there is so much going on at the moment, was quite a big change in energy to take on at once. I’m sure of this now, because I’m feeling super positive again, but for a few days I felt quite sad and unsure of myself at some points. It’s not surprising really, because there is a lot going on in my family at the mo, which I haven’t had much space to reflect on. And I think I also put a lot of emphasis on this place, and on Sam to an extent, because of the massive change that happened in me last time I was here. I think my negative feelings were just due to settling in to a new phase of the same place. I’ve had a lot of reflective time, which I think I needed, and I’m now really grateful for. Sometimes it’s really difficult to slow down and step back, but I’m thankful to have a place to do that at the moment, and to be able to get back into the swing of my own lifestyle again.

So, so far it’s been all garden work, digging holes to plant trees on the land. It’s exciting but slow, with only two of us, but we’ve finished the holes now and will get the trees from Ropato over the next couple of days. For the last week or so the weather has been absolutely beautiful, and as the title of this post says: I can smell the spring!

I love that feeling when you know spring is coming, it makes me feel like everything is possible. I am really looking forward to the year ahead. (Saying that, it’s already nearly the end of February – how time flies!).

A few days ago we went to Sam’s friend’s house to help to make beer, which was fun. We arrived early in the morning and passed the whole day there, mostly spent eating and drinking outside in the sun. It turned out to be a right little party, and we stayed until about 3 in the morning. It was like a summer’s day and I really enjoyed myself. I love being here in La Creuse and just constantly meeting lovely, welcoming and like-minded people.

I think that’s all for now. I’m going outside, in this glorious sunshine, to finish making the wire fences for the baby trees. I haven’t taken any photos yet, (because I managed to bring the wrong camera charger with me, correct one is in the post now, thanks Dad!) apart from this one of Cali; In her normal position on the window ledge, next to the poor cold little plant. I’ll post some more exciting pics soon!

Now I’ve posted this, I promise to write more frequently again! When I get around to it I’m also going to transfer my blog over to wordpress and make more of a deal of it, with more info about workawaying and more interesting writing!

Pretty soon I’ll be on the road to Italy with my friends Becky and Adam, so there’s lots to look forward to.

Happy (soon to be) Spring everybody!!

F E R R Y

Blogs from the road coming soon.

I’m on my way back to France

O U I S T R E H A M B E A C H

One of my last photographs from France, already one week ago! Ouistreham beach.

A N G L E T E R R E

I’m currently sitting in a cafe in Ouistreham waiting to try and hitch the ferry to Portsmouth. It’s been a bit of a long journey since I last wrote about my ankle in Lyon! I’ve had a couple of hitchhiking adventures, and have been back in La Creuse.

In the end I stayed with my friend Laz and his fiance Louise in Lyon for over a week, waiting for my ankle to improve. I managed to go out for a walk a couple of times, and on the weekend after I arrived we had a little party with some of their friends which was fun. It was a bit of a pain with the ankle but I passed a nice week there, it was great to spend lots of time catching up with Lazare. I was supposed to go back to Christophe’s in Millau to help with a big art exhibition, but with my ankle the way it was I was unsure I would be able to help efficiently, and so were Christophe and Jacqueline. They were super busy and doing everything very quickly to prepare, so I might have just got in the way. So, we decided it wasn’t a good moment. I was disappointed, but I know I will return again next year, and maybe exhibit some art and photography in the gallery in the centre of Millau.

I had to leave Lyon last Friday, because Louise’s dad was visiting, and I was able to walk okay-ish by that point. I wasn’t really ready to go directly back to England, so I decided that I would pass by Sam’s again. My original time there was really special in lots of ways, and I felt a bit strange after leaving feeling so content and ready for my travels, and then suddenly having to stop because of my ankle. It was a strange contrast. I decided I wanted to return and somehow attach the place and the people to reality a bit more, rather than just a very special moment which seemed somehow detached from everything else. It’s hard to explain, but it was maybe something like waking up from a strange dream too quickly. I think I learnt a lot about myself and my outlook on things during my time at Sam’s, and I took on a lot of very positive energy. It was incredible, but bizarre in contrast to then being stuck inside the apartment in Lyon for 8 days. I didn’t feel very clear about my time there and my feelings, so I wanted to go back and say bye before England.

Four volunteers arrived just after I left, so they’d been working on the land for just over a week, there’s lots of progress. Sam was taking them to the Moulin (the community at the old mill, I visited last time) for the weekend to help Pascal clear some land that he recently bought, so we arranged that I could also go there and help too. I hitched from Lyon to a village close by. I was surprised the day I left Lyon that my ankle was actually okay carrying my bag, I was walking relatively well, and over the weekend at the Moulin I helped with the land with the others. I just did things which didn’t involve too much fast walking! I hurt it a bit helping to jump-start Sam’s car, because I got a bit confident wearing an ankle-strap thing that someone offered me, and thought for a moment I was miraculously healed and I could help to push a car (?!). That was a bit of an error. I need to try and rest it a bit more once I’m back in England.

My journey back to La Creuse from Lyon was great because I passed through Clermont-Ferrand and out the other side over the old volcanoes where the countryside is really beautiful, and the weather changed within the space of about half a kilometre to glorious sunshine. I got a great lift with two really kind men who bought me a sandwich in Clermont and put me on a good road. Its so good to always try to keep an open mind to all sorts of different people.

I felt really happy to arrive back in La Creuse, and especially to be back in the countryside working in nature. It was really nice to meet the other volunteers. We stayed at the Moulin until Monday afternoon, helping Saturday and Sunday with Pascal’s place, and on Tuesday we worked all day on the land at Sam’s. The weather was lovely and we even ate lunch outside in t-shirts, on the 6^th of December. I was delighted to see the progress in the garden and to help a little bit more there. I just love the place and feel really connected to it. All the beds are nearly finished now, and Sam & co are going to start planting the trees over the next few days. I’m hoping to return in the spring to help planting out the veggie garden.  

I left early yesterday morning. Sam drove me to Montlucon, again. After a really long wait at first, I got on my way to Le Havre. I chose there because I wanted a connection for Portsmouth so I can visit my Uncle on my return to England. I went without much of a plan, thinking there would be a few ferries a day and I’d just see what happens. I made fairly good progress, met some nice people, spoke a bit of French, and arrived close to Le Havre before dark. My last lift was with a lorry driver who had to stop to deposit his shipping container, so we waited at some of the docks for over an hour in a big queue, and during that time it got dark. Once he had put his lorry in for the night we swapped for his car and he took me to the ferry terminal, but the ferries were finished for the day. The lady there told me the next one wasn’t until 5pm the next day, but that one was leaving at 11pm from Ouistreham. I decided to attempt to catch it. I never hitchhike at night, not because it’s more dangerous with people (I think in the end it’s the same), but because it’s dangerous with the cars if they can’t see you. I need a high-vis. However, everywhere round there was lit up like a Christmas tree, and I thought I had a good chance. I did have a good chance. But it didn’t work. I ended up off the highway on a little road and quickly decided it wasn’t a good idea because I wasn’t so visible and I wasn’t really on a good road for catching people going to the right place. I told the last person who stopped for me, Daniel, that I would search for somewhere to sleep for the night in his town. It was going to be really expensive, so I wasn’t really sure what I was going to do, but Daniel very kindly invited me to stay in his home. His family were very welcoming, they seemed to find it completely normal that I was there, almost to a strange degree! But it meant I didn’t feel awkward at all, and them either, so that was nice. I checked the ferries for today, and found that the next one from Le Havre is actually not until 10pm tonight, but that one goes from here, Ouistreham, at 4.30pm. So that’s the one I’m waiting for now. I got one lift all the way here this morning, after Daniel left me in a good place, because the man who picked me up had a bit of time and offered to bring me to the port. So I’ve been passing time since 10.30am, but at least I know I’m here! If I can’t manage to hitch I’m going to buy a walk-on ticket.  

So, hopefully, this evening I’ll be staying with my Uncle Bernie and his wife Lorraine, and in the next day or so I’ll be back in Liverpool. I’ll just be passing, because before Christmas I’m going to visit Ireland, Sheffield and Huddersfield to see various friends. I’ve never been to Ireland before so I’m super excited. It’s strange that a couple of months ago, when I wasn’t feeling sure about my travels, or about anything really, I wasn’t sure I’d pass the time until Christmas, and now it seems it’s come around too quickly! The perception of time can be a weird thing.

So I’m going to try and post this now, but the wifi doesn’t seem to exist so maybe I won’t post it until I’m on the ferry or even in England!

Time to try and hitch.

^^^ In the end I’m posting this from the boat! Got picked up by a nice lady from Surrey, but I had to pay 9 Euros to add an extra passenger to the car. Much better than 30 for a foot passenger ticket though. I’m sitting in the bar at the moment, we’ve just started moving, and already I’m not looking forward to this 6 hour crossing! I might try and nap.

This was actually the first of the two new poems.
I’ve just finished polishing it up!
So happy to be writing again after a whole year. 
Enjoy.

A PIECE OF MAGIC

I wish to write
something with meaning
skill and grace,
but I can’t arrive
to find my inspiration.
Even here, with such a
view,
and all-consuming
thoughts
of you
swimming before my
eyes and mind.

If from the breadth of
an entire city as
beautiful
as this, spread out
before me
daily, encompassing two
million lives and loves
and sorrows,
I can not take a
piece of magic, elevate
and polish one shining
detail
into words, to shout
out
across these infinite
rooftops,

And if from knowing you
I can not construct a
string
of syllables, any
thing of beauty, to
announce
the impact, to
accurately reflect
the measure
of the impression that
you
have printed onto
and stitched into my
life,
then I worry I will
never write again.

NEW POETRY

I knew that I would squeeze a poem out eventually!! Brand new from Lyon.

TO WATCH 

To watch from
A grand distance
A large city
Slowly falling asleep
Can be a
Very powerful thing.

Light sliding gently
Over helpless rooftops,
Countless lovers
shouting
More, business people
Preparing dull ideas
To clarify tomorrow,

Children conducting
prayers,
Drunken streetwalkers
bargaining
Life and death,
Stubborn loneliness shifting
Between infinite
intimacy,
Love and joy

Crying
ever louder,
All
softly encouraging
The
quietly creeping
Dawn,
who patiently
Is
waiting to
Deliver
her promise:

Another
Unimaginable Day.

CHANGES

It’s so strange how so
much can change in just a few weeks. Thinking back over my trip, and
reading back over my blog posts, I feel like everything has been
leading me to here, now. Sam’s house in La Creuse, the place I have
been for the last three and a half weeks. I really feel that I was
meant to come here. I guess it’s the same for all of life really, the
past leads us to the present moment. I’m so pleased I’ve finally
found my grasp on the present moment, once again. I feel as grounded
as I did at the end of my trip last year, when I felt I had started
to understand something about the greatness of the world and it’s
energies. Personally I don’t identify at all with the word ‘God’, but
that spiritual connection that some people describe as a connection
with ‘God’ is exactly what I’m trying to describe. I just call it a
connection with the Universe. I have found that connection again.

After returning from my
travels last year, living at home following my Gaga’s death, and
eventually getting my job at the cafe in Liverpool, living a fast and
temporary lifestyle, I became so disconnected from that sense, from
my spiritualism. But I knew it. During this whole trip I have been
searching for that contented knowledge again, and I think (especially
from reading my last post) that I had completely given up on finding
it through travelling. I had lost my sense of freedom, and felt
worried for the future. I kept trying to think about what I needed to
do to feel grounded, but nothing was really making sense.

But being here has
changed everything. I no longer have a plan of action for returning
to England, because I’m not sure that’s what I really want. I know
for sure that I am definitely going to focus on my exhibition, and
I’m really excited for that, but as for getting a flat and putting
some structure in my life in that way, I think I’ve changed my mind.
I have a lot of time for that. I am a traveller, and I shouldn’t have
forgotten. There are lots of places I am inspired to visit. I feel
lost and aimless all over again, but now, like last year, I have
re-found the joy and freedom of my lifestyle and my options. Probably
more than before. I feel free and happy. Tout est possible.

I have been practising
my French a bit here, which is fun but tiring, and I’m still crap
haha. It’s been difficult though because Sam speaks perfect English,
and during my first two weeks Sophie, another English workawayer,
arrived, making it easy for me to be lazy with my language. Sonja, a
Spanish workawayer, was also here at the same time as Sophie, they
spoke French or English together, and Sam speaks perfect Spanish too,
so we had a great multi-lingual group environment, with Sam’s brother
and Dad who were also visiting to help, and lots of friends and
neighbours constantly passing by.

The project is great.
Its a house renovation, and when I first arrived conditions were
rough. We had no windows in the house, and no fire. Now we have both,
and like to pretend we are bourgeois! Last night we threw a big party
with all of Sam’s friends from the area, and so over the last few
days we’ve worked really hard making the house really nice to invite
people to. We now have a sofa and two big comfy chairs to add to the
list! We took them from Ropato, the name of Sam’s other big project
ten minutes walk away – It’s a place in a valley in the forest, a
community space for living completely with nature. At the moment, in
winter, it’s not really possible to live there, but in the summer
time lots of people come to work in the gardens, bath in the river,
and live completely disconnected from society. Its an incredibly
special and magical place, helped by the fact that Sam has such a
strong connection with the land and the project that he describes it
almost as though it is a friend. Every tree, rock and plant has a
story, the place is alive. Sam lived alone for six months at Ropato
when he first bought the land, just in a tent for a while and
afterwards in a caravan, just to be completely with nature. Now it’s
an open community space where everyone is invited to live equally,
and build there if they want to.

There is a piece of
land here too (upstairs, as Sam calls it – ‘up’ out of the valley,
back in the real world! Ropato is in another dimension!), which is
just down the track from the house at the back of the tiny village.
We have been working there a lot to prepare a big permaculture veggie
garden. We’ve built Hugelbeds (layers of – specifically in this
order – twigs and branches, brambles, grass clumps, ash, cardboard,
earth, chicken manure, straw) which will compost over the winter and
be ready for plants in the spring, and a 20 metre polytunnel which we
deconstructed at Sam’s friends house and reconstructed here. All of
which has required a lot of digging, I’m now an expert. I’ve really
enjoyed working in the garden here. Even sometimes when its been cold
or raining I’ve still felt a nice connection with nature, and I’ve
felt quite inspired to help with the permaculture plans. We worked
out in the garden a lot every day when we were a big group, but since
the girls left me and Sam have spent some time off, visiting around
La Creuse. We’ve really connected and formed a great friendship, I
feel very privileged to have met him and spent such lovely times
here.

La Creuse is an area
just full of ecologically minded people, who are all great friends
together, it’s a great community. I’ve been to lots of little parties
now, and then saw everyone again last night for our party, so it’s
been really nice. I’ve visited a fully-functioning renovated bread
oven, and helped Perrine make her bread for the market. Sam and I
went on a little day trip, and decided to visit a place he knows of
but hasn’t been before, belonging to a friend, a beautiful little
piece of land in the forest with a yurt, and a cob house built in the
trees. Nobody was home so we just looked around a bit. We then popped
by his friend’s big communal house, which used to be a mill so is
sitting directly next to a beautiful big lake. We popped in just to
say hello, but we were invited to eat a meal and sleep over. In the
morning Antoine gave us a tour of the land, veggie gardens, goats,
old mill, lake, and forest. Last weekend we went to a little party at
Ruth and Jean-Luc’s very modern straw bale house. And on Tuesday
evening we went for a meal at Adrian and Camille’s house, which is
made up of two yurts connected by a small corridor. All these visits
have been fantastic, and it’s been great to meet so many lovely,
interesting people. On a side note, everybody I have met, no matter
how different their houses or their personalities, has a compost
toilet. A small piece of information which says a lot about the
mentalities and eco-lifestyles of all of these friends.

My time here is close
to an end, as I get ready to leave for Lyon tomorrow, and afterwards
back to Millau to help Christophe with a big art exhibition. I think
I will find it difficult to go, but it’s been a great moment, and now
it’s time to move on. I feel that I’ve really grown here. I felt an
immediate connection with the house and the place, and I should have
known at the start that something amazing was about to happen. I’ve
learnt a lot from the work and all the people I’ve met, and from
taking time to not worry about the future, to just try and understand
the nature of life. And I’ve especially learnt from my time and
friendship with Sam, who has inspired and encouraged me to seek and
to keep exploring. I am so grateful for this.

Who knows what the
future will bring. I’m just going to try and keep growing.

Gros Bisous mes amis!

VERY QUICK UPDATE

I’ve had another lovely ten days or so at John and Ola’s in Poland, and I’m now about to head off in the direction of France! I am very excited to return to my favourite country and do some Autumn workawaying.
I’m going to hitchhike across slowly, probably via Germany, and hopefully visit some nice places in between!
It’s been quite quiet here for the last few days, I’ve been mostly helping with editing John’s writing. The weather’s really starting to change now but the Autumn colours look beautiful.

Time to pack up and get going.